Saving a Starfish

I have often thought of myself to be Peter Pan…someone who just didn’t wanna grow up. Simply because ‘growing up’ means more responsibility, more worries, more stress, less chilling…you get the point.

And the thing about marriage is…the more irresponsible you’ve been before it…the more responsibilities befall upon you after. And if that’s not bad enough…you are expected to have kids soon…the king of all responsibilities!

I’ve never wanted to have kids…or so I believed till now (though I must admit it did lack conviction)…simply becoz I felt I was not ready for the responsibility…but then again…are we ever “ready”. Two years into a marriage and I still feel I am not ready lol

Coming back to what stirred the very strong emotions in me (to have or not have my own child is the question my friend). It’s raining like monkeys in Mumbai…and one day, just as I was standing in the downpour waiting for my bus home I thought, “I wish I didn’t have to work during monsoons”. I clutched tightly on to my umbrella…others on the road had raincoats or umbrellas to keep themselves from getting wet…after all…who likes to get drenched unless in the let's-have-fun zone.

There, I saw a sweeper diligently doing his job wearing a raincoat…keeping streets clean for people like us…some who don’t cringe while littering on the road. There was a young kid too, who was picking up the garbage the sweeper was making piles of, and putting it in a large green bin that he was dragging from place to place. Dressed in a torn t shirt and shorts…he only had a bare plastic sheet wrapped around his head to protect him from rain. Clearly he wasn’t really enjoying the oh-so-lovely rain while at work.

And that made me wonder. I thought till I slept that night. We keep working towards having a better life for ourselves…planning where to eat, what car to buy next, buy a house or perhaps a holiday…and when we have achieved that or are tired of chasing our ‘dreams” we start doing the exact same thing for our children – but why really?

I’ve never had a concrete answer to why I don’t want kids…only a lot of philosophical nonsense for when people ask me why. But I do know now.

All I wanted to do at the point of observing that child was…to perhaps give my dreams slightly lesser importance and help that kiddo in some way so he doesn’t atleast has to work while it’s pouring (I don’t even want to start on the ambiguous law on child labour)

Once I achieve even 50 percent of what I intend to personally, I’d rather fund the education of one (or 2 or 3 or 4...)of many such children...try and make an existing life better rather than bring a new one into the world.

It doesn’t matter if anyone agrees with me or not…as long as I can see it clearly. Not a noble thought as some would say…some selfishness in this too. Not a superiority complex as my hubby sometimes calls it…it’s just a feeling that seems right…something that I must do.

After all, as someone once said, and I believe “even if you can save one starfish out of a million…it will mean a million to that one starfish.”